With Apologies to Emo Phillips

"Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "neither." I said, "Me, too! Nicene or anti-Nicene?" He said, "Mormon." I said, "Me, too! Utah Mormon or Reorganized Mormon?" He said, "Utah." I said, "Me, too! Utah Mormon Temple Square Brethrenite or Utah Dissenting Mormon?"

He said, " Utah Dissenting Mormon." I said, "Me, too! Utah Dissenting Mormon Fundamentalist Polygamist, or Utah Dissenting Mormon non-Polygamist?" He said, "Utah Dissenting Mormon non-Polygamist." I said, "Me, too!"

"Utah Dissenting Mormon non-Polygamist Consul of the Masturbating Chocolatier, or Utah Dissenting Mormon non-Polygamist Covenanteer?" He said, "Utah Dissenting Mormon non-Polygamist Covenanteer." I said, "Me, too!

"Utah Dissenting Mormon non-Polygamist Covenanteer Naegleite, or Utah Dissenting Mormon non-Polygamist Covenanteer of the Womens' Council?" He said "Utah Dissenting Mormon non-Polygamist Covenanteer Naegleite."

I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANNX_XiuA78