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Monday, January 19, 2026

With Apologies to Emo Phillips

"Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "neither." I said, "Me, too! Nicene or anti-Nicene?" He said, "Mormon." I said, "Me, too! Utah Mormon or Reorganized Mormon?" He said, "Utah." I said, "Me, too! Utah Mormon Temple Square Brethrenite or Utah Dissenting Mormon?"

He said, " Utah Dissenting Mormon." I said, "Me, too! Utah Dissenting Mormon Fundamentalist Polygamist, or Utah Dissenting Mormon non-Polygamist?" He said, "Utah Dissenting Mormon non-Polygamist." I said, "Me, too!"

"Utah Dissenting Mormon non-Polygamist Consul of the Masturbating Chocolatier, or Utah Dissenting Mormon non-Polygamist Covenanteer?" He said, "Utah Dissenting Mormon non-Polygamist Covenanteer." I said, "Me, too!

"Utah Dissenting Mormon non-Polygamist Covenanteer Naegleite, or Utah Dissenting Mormon non-Polygamist Covenanteer of the Womens' Council?" He said "Utah Dissenting Mormon non-Polygamist Covenanteer Naegleite."

I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over."



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANNX_XiuA78



3 comments:

Edwin said...

Where is the "applause" button? I need to show someone that I applaud the funny-ness as well as the expert-ness of your homage to Mr. Emo Phillips.

Anonymous said...

This was good. REAL good.

Jay Todd

Jennifer Willis said...

That’s hilarious😂 a sense of humor is good for the soul!❤️